As most of you know (if you don’t, ask an Asian guy), gravity is an attractive force that exists between two objects with non-zero mass. The equation expressing this force is given by:
where:
- FG is the gravitational force
- M1 is the mass of object 1
- M2 is the mass of object 2
- r is the distance between the two objects
- G is the Gravitational Constant, equal to 6.67 x 10-11 Nm2kg-2
Immediately apparent from the equation is that as the objects increase in mass, the attractive force also increases. Conversely, as the distance between the objects increases, the attractive force decreases. This important equation from high school physics has an analogue in the realm of sociology, namely, the Dave Male-Female Attraction Equation. This equation is given here:
where:
- FA is the strength of the mutual attraction between the two people
- AF is the attractiveness of the female
- AM is the attractiveness of the male
- d is the magnitude of the societal pressure to keep the two people apart
- Y is the Yellowness Damping Coefficient
Now, it is obvious that FA is intimately to the probability that the relationship will start, as well as the success of the relationship in the long run. Therefore, if you are a male trying to get into a relationship with a female, you would be more likely to be able to date her if FA was higher than the female’s Choosiness Threshold.
| Choosiness Threshold | Description |
|---|---|
| 1 | Prostitute |
| 5 | Ugly girl |
| 20 | Average girl |
| 50 | Pretty girl |
| 100 | Lucy Liu / Maggie Cheung / Zhang Ziyi |
The Yellowness Damping Coefficient is equal to 1 if the male is not Asian, and 0.1 if the male is a full Asian. For fractions of Z (Asianness) in between, the Yellowness Damping Coefficient can be determined as follows:
The Yellowness Damping Coefficient reflects the commonly held belief that an Asian must do ten times as much as a white would in order to be noticed by a girl. For example, if a white guy can defeat one gangster thug in hand-to-hand combat, he will almost certainly be noticed by a girl. But in order for an Asian guy to be noticed, he has to beat up the gangster thug along with nine of his gangster buddies (Don’t believe me? Think of Jet Li, Jackie Chan, and Bruce Lee. When they initiate an ass-kicking, they don’t stop until they’ve trashed the entire dojo/restaurant/gang. The average white guy in a movie, with the exception of Arnold, would be lucky to beat up even one guy.) Another example is a white man who works at a programming job and makes a $50,000 salary. Most girls would consider him to be a decent candidate for a stable marriage. However, an Asian will only get noticed if he’s some kind of brain surgeon making around $500,000.
d can be determined by adding up all of the applicable values in the following table and then adding 1:
| d-value | Description |
|---|---|
| 0.1 | Noticeably different income levels (programmer vs. librarian) |
| 0.2 | Significantly different income levels (surgeon vs. janitor) |
| 0.4 | Vastly different income levels (Bill Gates vs. goat herder) |
| 2 | Female makes significantly more money than male |
| 1 | Age difference of more than 5 years |
| 2 | Age difference of more than 15 years |
| 3 | Age difference of more than 30 years |
| 1 | Different ethnicities |
| 99 | Different species |
AF and AM can be determined by using the Ladder Theory Rating System.
Examples:
Average Joe and Average Jane
- AF = 5
- AM = 5
- d = 1
- Y = 1
Applying the formula, we get FA= 25. Jane’s threshold is 20 so she happily accepts Joe.
Average Wang and Average Jane
- AF = 5
- AM = 5
- d = 2.1 (Different ethnicities + Wang makes more money)
- Y = 0.1
Applying the formula, we get FA= 0.5668. Damn! Jane rejects Wang with a vengeance and probably obtains a restraining order as well.
Bruce Lee and Average Jane
- AF = 5
- AM = 100 (Bruce kicks lots of ass)
- d = 2.2 (Different ethnicities + Bruce makes more money)
- Y = 0.2205 (Bruce is 3/4 Asian)
Applying the formula, we get FA= 22.778. Looks like Bruce gets the girl, as long as Average Joe doesn’t show up.
To prove that our equation is not full of shit, we will test it with extreme data:
Horse and Average Jane
- AF = 5
- AM = 10 (he’s a nice looking horse)
- d = 104.2 (Different species + Horse doesn’t make much money + 15 year age difference)
- Y = 1 (Are horses from Asia? Probably not. I wouldn’t know.)
Applying the formula, we get FA = 0.00461. It’s safe to say this relationship wouldn’t work out. Looks like our theory is mathematically sound.
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